"Pregnant and I Know It" OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO (Parody of "Sexy and I Kno...
This is so true. I couldn't stop eating when I was pregnant. Come to think about it...I still can't stop eating!!!
Captain Sensible Is From Mars, I Am From Venus
Having spent almost the past year safely and comfortably
cocooned in my new mummy bubble, it has finally dawned on me that I’ve let
myself go a bit: I’m a little baggier around the middle; my boobs now resemble
deflated balloons, the kind that, if you leave them lying around for a while, go
all wrinkly and soft; my eyebrows are more hedgerows, my clothes mismatched and
accessorised with snot and my hair… well the less said the better really.
But what really spurred me on to take action was the
response I got from Captain Sensible when I asked him if he thought I’d lost
weight.
With uncharacteristic foolhardiness or stupidity (I’m not
sure which), Captain Sensible did not answer with the expected and safe answer
of ‘Of course,’ or ‘you don’t need to lose weight.’ Oh no, he decided to stick,
not just his head, but his whole body in the oven by responding with: “Well you
have had a baby.”
In other words: “No. You’re still looking a little tubby!”
We’re still not speaking…
Anyway, it got me thinking; time for an overhaul, a self
-designed mummy makeover and here’s my list of 5 things (Let’s keep it
achievable) I’m going to do: (I’ll let you know how I get on!)
1.
Tone up -
So far so good, although I think I might have broken my wrist last night doing
some rather vigorous squat thrusts!
2.
Learn to skate board – My nephew got a skateboard
for his birthday and it was loads of fun. It’s not odd for a thirty something
woman to be out and about boarding is it?!?
3.
Write more – Pursue the things I love to do,
I’ve been putting it off for long enough.
4.
Get a TOWIE - esque makeover: fake tan, fake nails, fake eyelashes, the works!
5.
Divorce my husband for not lying to me – Well
maybe that one’s a bit extreme, he’s pretty awesome most of the time.
A Poor Excuse
Forgive me followers for I have sinned; it’s been several months since my last confession – I mean post!
“What,” I hear you ask “has happened? Where have you been?”
Well, it all seemed to be going so well: my baby, fed, slept and pooed which left me with ample time for coffee mornings, writing my blog and, occasionally, whipping the hoover around.
Then it happened.
Almost overnight, my baby grew up into a big baby who needed three, three course meals a day (apparently) and then started moving. Where once I could place her on her little mat, safe in the knowledge that she wouldn’t go anywhere whilst I ate my cake; now I have to have eyes in the back of my head and follow her around like a shadow in case she sticks her little fingers in the plug sockets! On the plus side, it has upped my exercise quotient, so I guess it’s not all bad.
But it’s the feeding that gets me. Now I know I had a few issues in the early days with breast feeding, mainly squirting it in the right direction but I had just about got it mastered when I discovered that it was about time to wean the little guzzler onto solid foods. Excellent I thought, how much easier life will be…
Well I’m obviously doing it all wrong, as preparing meals for my little Gordon Ramsey now takes up a large proportion of my day, and woe betide you if you serve her up something she doesn’t like.
You see, there is this pressure to prepare beautiful home cooked meals full of nutritious fresh fruits and vegetables so that you can keep up with the other Mums who have all read the Annabel Karmel baby books and have been busy cooking up gastronomic feasts for their little bundles of joy. I have visions of these domestic goddesses, replete in their 1950s housewife uniform and perfectly coiffed hair, serving up delicious, healthy meals to their families while my poor offspring is subjected to whatever baby jar is on special offer at the local supermarket.
To be honest, I’m sure there’s not all that much difference between a jar and what I cook anyway – except the time and the mess- but still I persevere. And so it’s started, I’m doing what I always swore I wouldn’t, I’m trying to keep up with the Joneses and racking a small mortgage on exotic foodstuffs in the process!
“What,” I hear you ask “has happened? Where have you been?”
Well, it all seemed to be going so well: my baby, fed, slept and pooed which left me with ample time for coffee mornings, writing my blog and, occasionally, whipping the hoover around.
Then it happened.
Almost overnight, my baby grew up into a big baby who needed three, three course meals a day (apparently) and then started moving. Where once I could place her on her little mat, safe in the knowledge that she wouldn’t go anywhere whilst I ate my cake; now I have to have eyes in the back of my head and follow her around like a shadow in case she sticks her little fingers in the plug sockets! On the plus side, it has upped my exercise quotient, so I guess it’s not all bad.
But it’s the feeding that gets me. Now I know I had a few issues in the early days with breast feeding, mainly squirting it in the right direction but I had just about got it mastered when I discovered that it was about time to wean the little guzzler onto solid foods. Excellent I thought, how much easier life will be…
Well I’m obviously doing it all wrong, as preparing meals for my little Gordon Ramsey now takes up a large proportion of my day, and woe betide you if you serve her up something she doesn’t like.
You see, there is this pressure to prepare beautiful home cooked meals full of nutritious fresh fruits and vegetables so that you can keep up with the other Mums who have all read the Annabel Karmel baby books and have been busy cooking up gastronomic feasts for their little bundles of joy. I have visions of these domestic goddesses, replete in their 1950s housewife uniform and perfectly coiffed hair, serving up delicious, healthy meals to their families while my poor offspring is subjected to whatever baby jar is on special offer at the local supermarket.
To be honest, I’m sure there’s not all that much difference between a jar and what I cook anyway – except the time and the mess- but still I persevere. And so it’s started, I’m doing what I always swore I wouldn’t, I’m trying to keep up with the Joneses and racking a small mortgage on exotic foodstuffs in the process!
Footprint Fun
Recently I've been having fun at my local pottery cafe making gifts and keepsakes featuring the bubs' tiny footprints. From coffee cups to Christmas baubles, nothing has escaped the stamp of little feet and I'm in danger of ending up with an entire crockery set!
New Mummy Beauty Rule Number 1:
Don't let your sister con you into believing she is capable of carrying out beauty treatments.
You may be poor and feeling less than your best in the beauty stakes but believe me, even if your sister has done a beauty therapy course (many moons ago), cutting corners when it comes to personal maintenance, never works!
The problem started the other day... I was moaning to my sister about how I needed to get my eyebrows waxed and, very kindly, she offered to do them for me.
So far so good, eyebrows done and she did a god job but whilst scrutinising my rather haggard face, she 'kindly' pointed out that I seemed to be growing little moustache - talk about helping me feel good about myself - and should she wax that off too.
"Why not?" I said. "In for a penny in for a pound and it would be nice to feel a little more up together."
HOWEVER... she neglected to use the facial hair waxing strips and now I have a bright red, spotty top lip instead!
Some people might argue that I should have known better, after all this isn't the first time the sis has inflicted her 'beauty' treatments on me.
Whilst training at college, she asked me to come in for a facial as she needed some volunteers to be assessed on. Fancying a relaxing treatment I agreed to be her guinea pig only to discover on arrival that she didn't need to give anyone a facial at all but a bikini wax instead.
The pain was bad enough but this paled into insignificance compared to the humiliation of having her handiwork inspected by the course tutor.
Moral of the story... perhaps I should eat less cake and use the substantial amount of money I would save to fork out for some proper beauty treatments!
On my baby wish list this month...
Bubs is getting bigger; weaning is on the horizon and the weather is getting colder. So, I know it's a bit early for Father Christmas to visit, but if he could come a couple of months early, these are the things I'd like this month:
A foot muff
A jumperoo
Some new baby sleeping bags
A High chair
Winter clothes
However, being a skint realist, I think I had better hit the nearly new sales to see if I can pick up any of these bits and bobs for a bargain.
The NCT and Baby and Children's Market often run nearly new sales in your local area, but get there on time so you don't miss any of the good stuff!
A foot muff
A jumperoo
Some new baby sleeping bags
A High chair
Winter clothes
However, being a skint realist, I think I had better hit the nearly new sales to see if I can pick up any of these bits and bobs for a bargain.
The NCT and Baby and Children's Market often run nearly new sales in your local area, but get there on time so you don't miss any of the good stuff!
Afternoon Tea Scones
Talking of afternoon tea (see previous post) and inspired by the beautiful recipes I've been salivating over on the Anecdotes and Applecores blog, made me think of this recipe, which has to be the easiest and cheapest scone recipe ever. It makes delicious scones which I often add different bits and bobs to.
3oz butter
1/4 pint of milk
Why not try adding some chopped almonds or pistachios along with some chopped glace cherries or how about the grated zest of one orange and try serving with orange curd and clotted cream instead of jam.
Rub the butter and four together to create a fine breadcrumb like mixture
Stir in any additional ingredients such as your dried fruit
Mix in the milk and combine until a ball of dough forms
Gently kneed for one to two minutes
Roll out until the dough is about 1inch thick then use a biscuit cutter to cut out your rounds
Place your rounds on a lined baking tray, brush with a little milk and then bake in the oven for 12 - 15 minutes until golden on top
Ingredients:
8oz flour3oz butter
1/4 pint of milk
Why not try adding some chopped almonds or pistachios along with some chopped glace cherries or how about the grated zest of one orange and try serving with orange curd and clotted cream instead of jam.
Method:
Preheat your oven to gas mark 7Rub the butter and four together to create a fine breadcrumb like mixture
Stir in any additional ingredients such as your dried fruit
Mix in the milk and combine until a ball of dough forms
Gently kneed for one to two minutes
Roll out until the dough is about 1inch thick then use a biscuit cutter to cut out your rounds
Place your rounds on a lined baking tray, brush with a little milk and then bake in the oven for 12 - 15 minutes until golden on top
